croissantkatie

First things first - I did not know this was a two parter. I wish I had, then I could have prepared myself for the cliff hanger. It felt like a one parter up until about half way through, when it seemed to change. I don't know why. I did enjoy it though, and found the atmosphere genuinely creepy. The places they filmed in were just so awesome. Also, I though the white faces of the gangers were wonderful - they were slightly creepy and felt just similar but different enough for me. I hope next week's finishes off everything nicely.

I am currently on study leave and I am waiting for Monty Python's Oliver Cromwell song to finish loading so I can listen to it for revision. My friends keep sending me really useful revision materials. It's helping loads, and making it a bit less tedious. Now if only I could understand maths I would be all set! Well, mostly set.

I never thought I'd actually be sad to leave my sixth form. It just didn't suit me, and I had a truly awful first year where I made basically no new friends. That changed this year though, I was able to go and make friends with people from my history class who I had wanted to get to know better since the very beginning and (very handily) the girl I instantly made friends with in my critical thinking class (the most pointless subject ever, but I needed something to fill up my timetable) was part of the friendship group most people in my history class are in. They made me feel so comfortable from the very beginning. They have reassured me that yes, I can make friends. Yes, people can like me and are willing to help me. Yes, people were willing to include me. What was really awesome was that, when I started to hang out with them, I was feeling well enough to tell them that I had depression. And they accepted it. The best reaction I had was from my friend Ruth who literally just went, "alright then, I don't really understand because I'm a very upbeat person, but if there's anything I can do to help, just let me know." That was so much better than anyone trying to understand. I couldn't really explain then, and I don't think I could now, even though I'm so much better. It was just so reassuring that people were willing to continue to try to be my friend having known from the very beginning about my mental health issues, instead of just sticking with me through it because we've been friends for years. Now, I mention that I've got a list of things I'm scared about for when we're all going on holiday together this summer, and they offer to look over it with me and talk about how to make things easier. I actually have a support network now beyond my mum and it's kind of amazing. So even if I never really liked the school, I got that out of it.

My friends are also helping me in my quest to find a yellow dress for our Leavers Ball. Yellow very rarely suits me but I love the colour. I want to look bright and cheery and not sad. It's going to be fun (even if I have to think about it just as a summer ball and not as a leavers thing as that freaks me out).